Are you asking yourself this question?

If you are, this page is for you.

Are you pondering the question “Should I stay married or get a divorce?”

If you are asking yourself this question, you have probably been thinking about the state of your relationship for quite a while and you should figure out what is making you feel that way. You should decide on whether you should work on your marriage problems or if divorce is the right option.

The article below will help you sort out some of your feelings.??

Deciding on divorce is a big decision. Choosing to divorce might ultimately be your decision but make sure it’s the last resort. ?It should be made while you are in a calm state of mind with little or no regrets.?

Before deciding to make this significant change in your life take a good look at yourself and your concept of marriage and what it takes to make this kind of partnership work.?While considering the thought of a divorce, you should do an inward reflection on yourself. When doing this "inward reflection", you may find out some things about yourself that you may not like. You may recall some things you had forgotten. You may realize that this isn't all your fault or you may realize that you had a hand in leading yourself here too.

We have listed some of the most common reasons why people get divorced. This may help you in making up your mind:

Money or aspects related to it is of course a possible cause of disagreement between couples. Married couples could squabble over such issues as shared financial responsibility, unequal financial status, undisclosed financial state, over spending and lack of financial support. ?

2. Infidelity.

When one partner cheats on the other, it will create issues with trust. When there is distrust in a marriage, it can lead to a divorce. People with uncontrollable libido or unhappy with his or her partner sexually cannot be loyal to their partners. So when the wife or husband comes to know of his or her partner cheating on him or her divorce turns out to be the answer.

3. Poor communication.

Often, couples find themselves in a relationship without the skills to properly communicate with each other. Instead of talking about their troubles, they bottle things up inside until it’s just too late. Lack of good communication between couples can lead to frustration which leads to relationship dissatisfaction which in turn leads to breakups.

In poor communication, the following may happen:

Withdrawal During Conflict - In some couples, one partner habitually withdraws during conflict. This sets up a greater likelihood of continued conflict.

Emotional Instability - In couples where one person loses control of their ????? emotions, conflict is more likely to occur. This is especially true for anger.

4. Abuse.

Physical, emotional or sexual abuse. There are many forms of abuse, all of which are possible causes of divorce. This does not just include intentional and habitual physical battery. Abuse may also come in the form of sexual abuse and emotional abuse. One partner may actively seek to degrade his/her partner through harsh language. Alcohol addiction and abuse prevent marital bliss because of the change in behavior pattern which makes an adverse impact upon mental peace and physical security.

5. Sexual Problems.

Sex is an essential aspect of marriage. Couples are expected to consummate or perform the act. That is unless a person knows and accepts before marriage that one partner has some sexual problems. In some cases, sexual dysfunction or disinterest may begin after tying the knot. If a couple is unable to resolve this, it may become a reason for divorce.

6. Change in priorities or goals.

This can be caused by having kids or due to ones job, big things.

7. Lack of commitment to the marriage.

Commitment may be lacking in one of the partners because marriage happens not always out of love. It could be seen as making a good deal and when it is found that the deal is not what he or she expected divorce happens. Besides, people looking for quick solutions cannot sustain marriage for long.

8. Addictions.

Drug and alcohol abuse as well as excessive gambling that is becoming detrimental to the marriage may also be used as a form of abuse. There may be no physical or verbal abuse but the other partner would understandably have a difficult time managing finances and daily life with an addicted spouse.

9. Incompatibility.

This is often cited as one of the causes of divorce. There are however numerous kinds and forms of incompatibility. A couple may be incompatible in anything and everything. They may not be able to find a common ground sexually, intellectually and emotionally. In cases of incompatibility, it might just be unbearable to live life with someone you just can't fit with.

10. Mental Instability or Mental Illness.
Insanity does not allow space for normal communication.

11. Religious beliefs, cultural and lifestyle differences.
Cultural values clash unless we are highly adaptive in nature. Orthodoxy leads to intolerance and conservatism gags the spontaneity of life. So this leads to divorce after some time of marriage

When a person has a valid reason to divorce, he or she knows when to divorce. After all, there is no point in hanging on to a person. One should take appropriate action and break-off the relationship.

Write out a pro and con list of staying married vs. a divorce and being single.?

Consider the following: Finance, the children, your career status, life style changes, cost of divorce, being single again.

Consider the following:

• Do you really listen to each other?
• Do you enjoy spending quality time with each other?
• Have you sought the help of a marriage counselor?
• More than anything else, are you working on your issues together?
• Are you working toward the same goals?
• How many of the issues above pertain to you?

Writing out the answers to these questions will help guide you in making an educated and rational decision.

But you must ask yourself fist, do you really love your spouse? And if you do, do you think some of the problems can be fixed? When relationship therapy, couples workshops, and the partners' best efforts don't work out your conflicts with your spouse, you might decide on a divorce. While it is a painful time, divorce can also allow for significant and positive changes in everyone's lives. The key to achieving these benefits, however, is the adults involved in the divorce. You will "make or break" the family's adaptation. If you are going to be getting a divorce, you can look at the divorce tab for methods and the process for getting a divorce. The steps listed in the “Divorce Process” section may help your divorce go as smooth as possible.

Prepare for a divorce the smart way

Managing a divorce is a process. Divorce is probably one of the most emotional experiences you will ever face. The process can be overwhelming and it doesn’t need to be.

Look at your current family expenses first, and then look ahead to the future and think about what will change.

• ?List all of your fixed expenses: Utilities, Phone, cost of rent or mortgage, groceries, etc
• List other expenses: Entertainment, eating out, shopping, and clothes - basically the items that aren't necessarily required but are normal expenditures during the month.

3. List Your Income.

You need a clear picture of where you and your spouse stand financially. One of the primary goals of the divorce process is the make an equitable distribution of marital assets and debts. In order to get your fair share it is imperative that you know what is owned and what is owed.

List your sources of income. Income from employment, from the other spouse as an initial arrangement for supporting the kids, or any other sources of incoming income.

The purpose of doing this is so that you can compare your income with your expenses. Is there a deficit of income or surplus?

If your income is at a surplus, you are ok but if your income is at a deficit, we have suggested some measures that you can take so that you will have more income.

4. Cut Back on some of your Expenses.

If you discover the need to cut back on your spending take a look at some of the expenses that you can do without, at least during the early stages of your divorce – The eating out at restaurants, the shopping, basically the "fun" money. If they aren’t necessary, no need to spend on it. We aren’t saying to totally stop spending on yourself or on entertainment but to be a little more rational with your money. If you eat out every weekend try to cut it down to once every two weeks or once a month.

5. Increase Your Income if Necessary.

After all of the reductions mentioned above have been done and your income is still at a deficit, you might then need to find a way to increase your income. ?Is a higher-paying career an option? Do you work part-time when full-time employment is possible? Sometimes going back to work if you have stayed at home or getting a second job, or even getting a temporary roommate might have to be considered. ?

While the budget is just the very basic step to starting to survive divorce financially, it will answer a lot of questions. There will certainly be other financial issues ahead: determining child support if there are children involved and perhaps marital support, perhaps even big items like selling homes or dividing assets, valuing pensions, and splitting retirement plans. But by having a plan to deal with your financial life, it becomes easier to focus on other items that have yet to be done.

The main goal is to stop overspending.

6. Establish credit in your name.

To re-estbalish credit in your name after a divorce, you need to open a bank account in your own name, credit cards and a regular source of income and pay all bills on time.

Do the following:

• Get a job, even a part time job if you aren’t employed.
• Get a credit cards and bank account in your own name. If you are turned down ask one of your friends or family to co-sign for you.
• If you have any debt and they are more you can handle, consolidate them. Look in your local phone book for a consumer credit counseling agency that can help you do this. Talk to an attorney. Often creditors will agree to accept smaller payments when an attorney indicates you may have to file bankruptcy. Discuss bankruptcy with your attorney if you cannot handle your debts.
• Get your own place whether you will be renting or buying.
• Cancel all joint credit cards from your spouse. Contact and alert creditors to the fact that you are going through a divorce. If there is a change of address, make sure they know it so that you will continue to receive bills from all joint accounts.

You will have to estimate some expenses but it is important so that you can have some idea of what you will need to survive in your new life. It is also important because it will influence how you negeotiate your divorce settlement. You need to know what you will need financially in order to evaluate your settlement options or what you may ask for should your case go to court.

7. Obtain a good attorney.

Interview at least three divorce attorneys before you decide on one. Go with an attorney who has at least 5 years experience practicing family and divorce law.? As stated earlier you can lean towards a collaborative approach during divorce. It is easier and less expensive if you and your spouse are able to settle all issues without litigation. If that can’t be done make sure you have an attorney who is capable and willing to litigate your case before a judge. You are basically looking for two things…an attorney who knows the value of settling quickly but is also willing to fight for you should the need arise.

These tips are not a guarantee that everything will be smooth sailing in your divorce. But staying aware and involved in the process will lessen the frustration and hurt that could cloud your judgment to help you resolve the situation.

8. Keep your emotions in check.

This is very important because if you were informed about your divorce by a surprise, you might get upset and your emotions might get the best of you which could lead to you making irrational decisions in your divorce. It is important to be calm, rational, and decisive as this will lead to smart and rational decision making.

The process of getting a divorce

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